Madness Movie Reviews: Future X-Cops

Future_X-CopsAfter watching only the first couple of seconds of the trailer for Future X-Cops, I knew I wanted to see it.  You have X-Men looking villains fighting a superpowered police force in the future, starring the very talented Andy Lau (The Warlords, Infernal Affairs)?  Sign me up! 

Of course, as I started watching the film, I realized I should have probably sat through the entire trailer.  There were so many points during the film where I wished I would just turn it off that it’s kind of a wonder I made it through this monstrosity. 

Directed by Jing Wong (a quick search of his IMDB page reveals I haven’t seen any of his stuff), Future X-Cops tells the tale of supercop Kidd, who leads a special brand of policemen in the year 2080 known as X-Cops.  Apparently the big thing in the future is becoming a cyborg, replacing limbs with ones that look like animal parts (kind of like splicing in Batman Beyond).  During an attack by one of these groups of mutants, his wife is killed, and plans for a time travel device are stolen.  The baddies are going to go back in time and kill an important political figure when he’s still a teenager, and Kidd goes back in time to stop them.  Unfortunately, he ends up getting there two years before they do, and builds a life and friendships in the past that could alter the future.

So, it’s kind of like The Terminator meets Mighty Morphin Power Rangers.  The problem with Future X-Cops isn’t that it’s bad.  It’s that it’s AWFUL.  Everything in the film is so horrendous, it really feels like something that will debut on SyFy Channel saturday night sometime soon.  While some of the special effects aren’t overly horrible (the wings being the primary thing), most of them look ridiculously fake, including just about everything set in the future, and even the hero himself when he turns into supercop.  Which is not a good thing, seeing as how the giant climactic battle takes place between a souped-up robo version of him and the main villain, and the entire thing just had me laughing instead of on the edge of my seat in suspense.

But the special defects aren’t the only problem with Future X-Cops – the children supporting cast are all annoying, most of the characters are either stupid or annoying, the villains have no real motivation or character arc.  Really, this entire film feels like something made for children, and not in a good way.  And maybe that is it’s intended audience – there’s very little blood, and only a couple of cuss words.  Still, there’s nothing that’s going to endear this film to an adult audience.  I’m sorry to say how much I hated this film, but it’s a definite skip.

Paul's Awesome Score - 2 out of 10
Paul's Awesome Score - 2 out of 10

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