Welcome to the next installment of Captain’s Journey. I hope you are enjoying the story so far.

Here are links to the earlier installments.

1. Bad Dreams
2. Call the Question
3. Dreams Remembered
4. Desperate Measures
5. Consequences

***

I steel myself and sink back into the memory. I feel the chaos wash over me, I open my eyes.

Everything is moving in slow motion as I take in all the information that I can now access. The bridge is awash in colors. I can see all the different systems of ship limping along with the small trickle of energy that is available. The damaged panels throwing off sparks are littering the air with sparkles that never quite go out.

The data feeds that have been absent from my mind’s eye since the beginning of the attack are back, filled with more data than I have seen before.  Each member of the crew is now a separate entry. Not only can I see what their condition is, I can also see the full capabilities of their talent. Each barrier is annotated, mental or physical and whether this is something that I can overcome. Schematics, tolerances, molecular structures, and various pieces of relevant information are organized instantly for tactical use.

A single mental command starts the dominoes falling. The schematics stored in the  data core of the ship allow me to restore the Tesla Drive and bring the shields back to full strength. Instead of dropping into slipspace, I divert the drives power through a shield array that I have reconfigured. The Heddradan attack which follows  is absorbed and added to the ships energy stores.

The process of altering the paltry weapons on my ship is not so simple. I take the stored energy and turn my concentration to conversion of my ships payload and weaponry into something far more deadlier. The array that begins to slowly emerge from my mental labors is something that I recognize intuitively but have know recollection of every seeing before. The power required to complete the construction is well beyond the capabilities of the single Tesla drive that my ship has available. The constant bombardment by the alien ship ensures that the process continues.

The ship continually rocks under the continuing onslaught. The shouts of the terran captain and the static response of the Heddradan echo about the bridge as I finish the modifications to my ship.

“I am giving you one chance to survive this skirmish. Both ships will leave me in peace and exit this system immediately. Any other response is unacceptable and I will retaliate.”

The Heddradan response is to increase the ferocity of the attacks that are hitting my shields. A psychic assault is added into the mix. A Crawling madness that forces consciousness back onto my insensate crew, ripping howls from their tortured bodies. I have never been attacked in this manner before, but like everything else, I am prepared for this as well. The attack washes over me like a gentle wave leaving me stronger for the experience.

Simultaneously, “I have my orders Jaxx. I am to take you into custody and return you to the League. Voluntarily or in a cell is up to you.”

All my efforts coalesce onto this one moment. The ship’s weapons array has been converted into a transducer. I take all the energy from the drive and the alien attacks and use them to a much more devastating end. I connect to each talented mind on the ship, shuttering off the madness that plagues them. Each ability slides into place, like a children’s puzzle. I take the banked power and plow it through this network of minds, creating a weapon of immense potential. I wield the weapon like a scalpel slowly removing pieces from the Heddradan ship. The sounds they make as they die are horrific and yet music to my ears.

I lose myself in the slaughter of these creatures. With each death, I feel a little bit of myself give way. The indescribable beauty of the massacre is it’s own siren song, and I don’t know how I’ve existed so long without it. When I extinguish the the last of them, the joy turns to anger and turn my attention towards the Albedo.

I latch on to their shields, barring their entry into slipspace. I start by draining their power to extend the exquisite feeling that is to come from their destruction. I hear the shouts of the captain echoing across the bridge as their shields begin to fail. The small sound of my ship’s slipspace monitor cuts across the cacophony forcing my attention to a point just starboard of the Albedo.

The giant ship punches through into regular space, heedless of the dangers that are connected to such a violent reentry. It is a ship constructed of golds, silvers and sleek sloping lines. There are no hard edges to the ship at all. Odder still, is that the ship has left no energy signal from it’s transition and I can glean no information from a cursory scan.

With a snarl, I split my attention between the new threat and my prize. I snap off a bolt that should fry any ship that I have encountered prior. When it doesn’t explode, I release my hold on the terran ship and let loose with everything that I have available on the ship. My body and mind sing with my rage at this effrontery to my will. I feel each mind wink out of the gestalt that I have formed as I push each person beyond their capacities. I shut off the part of my brain that screams at the loss of each crew member and continue pouring destruction upon the ship.  When I’ve exhausted the last drops of energy available on the ship I turn to the slipspace module to try and utilize the antimatter at its heart.

My world turns to blue electric agony as my mind is filled with a chorus of voices speaking in sonorous harmony.

“Be still. All will be well. The damage is done but you will endure. We are the Kossun and we set you on the course that will fix what has been broke.”

“Sleep.”

That one words ends the memory but the agony endures.

“I killed them.”

It’s all my fault.”

Welcome to the next installment of Captain’s Journey. hopefully you are enjoying the story so far. If you have any questions or comments please leave them in the comments or send them to me on Twitter.

***

The sound of retching cuts across the coms. It takes me a moment to put the pieces to together and realize that everyone that is conscious immediately checked the displays when they went live. What merely made me queasy is having a much more profound effect upon the rest of the crew. I scramble to the communications bay and quickly cut the visual feed to the rest of the ship. I snap my leg out to kick the med drone release mechanism and watch as the cloud of nanites descend upon Reyez to stabilize his injuries.

“Farns! Are you still with me? Are you still up?”

The sounds of my crew being sick are fading as whatever effect the sight of that alien ship fades. The seeming silence that follows is interminable in its length.

“Oh God Oh God Oh God What the Fuck was that thing Jaxx! My fucking ears are bleeding and I still can’t see straight!” Farns’ voice is cracking from the strain as it reaches several octaves higher than I thought possible for him.

I struggle to keep my voice calm despite the panic that I feel. “Keep it together Farns! I need you. We all need you. Whatever is blocking my connection to the ship and to each other makes it so I can not repair the ship. You are my eyes and ears there in the engine room. If you can not get the Tesla drive up and running we are nothing but prey for whichever ship wins the slugfest out there. I know you’re hurt and still reeling from looking at that ship but you are the hero of the hour. If you can’t do it, we’re done.”

The coms go quiet after my impassioned plea to Farns. My fervent hope is that most of the crew have only passed out from the strain of looking at that ship. I can not allow myself to think of any other possibilities at this moment. If I did, I don’t know how I would get us out of this mess. “You can do this Farns. I know you can.”

“I’ll get it done Jaxx. I won’t let everybody down.”

The bravado in his words does not hide the pain and tears that are easily heard in the quavering of his voice. “Stellar! When we get to Down Bellow Station I will get you however many Companions you want. You’ll deserve them.’

I drop heavily into the pilots chair and watch the displays. Time passes at a snails pace as I wait for some sign of life from the panel in front of me. I left the display on here in the bridge so that I could monitor the battle that is raging next to my ship. Whatever the alien ship is, it’s armaments do not appear to be anything overwhelming as the shields on the terran ship seem to be holding up against the onslaught. I have to look away as the nausea begins to become unbearable after a few moments of watching the screen.

As I drop my eyes to the panel in front of me searching for some signs that power has been restored, The ship is rocked by the force of a direct hit. A scream erupts across the coms and ends  with the finality of a gurgle.

“Farns! Farns! Come on man! You’ve got to be ok! Don’t Die on me Farns!” I am screaming these words at the ceiling as tears begin streaming down my face. I extend my Talent to touch that tenuous connection I had established with him earlier to find it gone. In it’s place in my mind is a gaping wound. The price of being a Captain is that when you lose a Talented crew member you lose a bit of yourself as well. I drop to my knees and vomit blood on to the floor. I retch and retch until nothing more comes up but my body doesn’t understand and keeps it up. When it finally passes, the front of me is covered with the splatter of blood and bile and my body feels like it has been beaten to a quark.

It takes time to get to my feet and I have to use the pilot station to keep myself upright. My knuckles are white from the effort. ” I. Am. Not. Fucking. Going Down. Quietly!” As I scream the last word at the walls I open my mind and throw myself at the dark miasma that is blanketing the ship. My talent shines like a beacon against the uncaring darkness.

I expect some aggressive action from something that is so large but I can feel no sentience directing the behemoth that I face. The enormity of the situation is overwhelming. I have no clue how to eliminate the darkness in its entirety and without Farns I do not know which specific part of the ships needs fixed through my my talent. I shrug off the indecision and focus my power with laser like intensity. I begin carving away the darkness that covers some of the housings in the engine room. It takes a herculean effort in the shape that I am in but I have nothing to lose at this point as nothing good will come from hanging out to see who wins this battle. I peel back a piece of the darkness like cutting the blubber from a whale and burn away the globules that try to cling to me in the aether. Now, instead of a hammer, I am able to use my Talent as intended and begin knitting the technology of my ship back together. I hope that I am putting the drive back together and curse myself for being so flippant when doing this before. I should have watched what was going on instead of pushing the power through Farns to get the job done.

I can not keep the effort up and have to drop back into my body and see what fruit my labors have borne. I come back to awareness of my surroundings only to realize that I have returned all communications to functioning. I can hear the voice of the terran Captain.

“Surrender your ship to me Captain Jaxx. We will get you clear of this Heddradan ship. We will deal with your desertion once we are all safe. We think your son is alive.”

Welcome to the third installment of Captain’s Journey. I hope you are enjoying the story. Let me know what you think in the comments or on Twitter.

***

I take a deep breath and hold it. I wait until I feel my body rebelling at the torture that I am putting it through. I let it out and the tension in my back, shoulders, and neck slowly goes out with it. The release of the residual anxiety that was hiding in my muscles is a gentle relief on my body after the brutal episode just moments ago. I look about the room, which I now know is a somewhat sentient machine. I realize that I have given it a name without ever really asking it if it had one before it became my caretaker.

Caretaker. One simple word yet so sobering to me. I’ve not needed taken care of in over a decade. The memories that are obscured are tantalizingly close to the surface now. I know I’ve been independent for at least a decade and this knowledge fills me with a sense of satisfaction. This knowledge is a warm feeling in the center of my being. Maybe I can just wait for things to take their natural course and I will regain all that I was, given time. My shoulders slump at the thought and I know that I can not allow this. I am not whole and I can’t stand not knowing. What hides in this shadow not only obfuscates the past but keeps me from moving forward. I am in limbo and this can not stand. I’ld rather break apart under my own steerage than molder and persist on for an eternity.

With a heavy sigh I pull my self up from the bed. I use my simple waking routine to still my mind and find my center for the frightening process I am about to undertake. I give myself over to the simple movements of putting my things back in order. My room is expansive, yet the decorations are sparse. My small desk sits next to the large window that shows an alien landscape both fearsome in wildness and beautiful in it’s array of colors. The white of my hospital is a fine counterpoint to the riotous explosion of color just inches away from me.

It takes only a few moments to put my living space in order. The simple ritual calms me and makes me feel more in control. I stall a little longer as I drag a large cushion to the center of the room and slowly lower myself into a lotus position. I feel my pulse slow as I begin marshaling my reserves to dive into my memories. Each breath seems to slow time until, with just a breath, time stops.

***

I open my eyes and my memories are just an infinite sea of darkness. I see them bobbing just the beneath the surface. The atmosphere is pregnant with possibility, as if they are waiting to see what I do. I reach out and touch the darkness to see what I am up against. It feels both natural and alien all at once. It is both a part of me and something that was forced upon me as well. Understanding floods me as I can see that this is just a form of scar tissue, my mind’s attempt to protect me from damage after the fact. The darkness is a byproduct of something that was roused in the memory, but is part of me now. What is to be remembered is going to be painful and have far reaching repercussions.

Like a child with a bandage, I gingerly grasp the dark film covering my mind. A quick intake of breath, and I pull quickly with all my might. I rip a scream from my lungs that echoes across the firmament of my mind and sends forth my memories in a coruscating fractal out to the horizon. I see them all in a burst, a flash of darkness in the dizzying array of of colors. It weaves in and out of sight, only to careen into me, forcing another scream from my lips and plunging me into terror.

***

The screams of me and my crew reach a crescendo, but the inevitable explosion never comes. The ship is still rocking, but it appears that we are not the target. I catch my breath and steady myself on the pilot console. “Farns, I hate to do this but I need you. Are you there?” I wait, enveloped by discordant sounds of the chaos around me. I hold my breath, hoping both that I get an answer and sad that I have to push my injured crewman further.

The com crackles to life. “I’m here captain. The med drones have helped but the pain is pretty bad. What do you want and I’ll try to do it.” Farns’ voice is weaker than before but steadier now.

“Something is going on out there. I need a visual and I need you to see about getting the drive back online. you think you’re up for it?”

“Aye Captain. I don’t want to die out here. I’ll get it done.”

“Neither do I, Farns. Neither do I.”

Time dilates as I wait for some response from the ship. She is unresponsive to every mental command I have tried. Whatever field that Farns mentioned, seems to inhibit Talent to a certain extent as well. It is frustrating to have to wait on the actual hardware to do its job when there is so much going on around the ship. The screens around the bridge flicker on and off several times giving a tantalizing view of what is going on around the ship. When the picture finally stabilizes, I am left speechless.

Out in the darkness around us are two ships. A terran battle cruiser with weapons blazing across the starry expanse. All her weapons are being brought to bear on a ship that makes my mind scream at the sight. It is all angles and curves that make my stomach churn from the sight. Despite the revulsion that threatens to overwhelm me, I still find the energy to speak.

“They found me.”

The second installment of the Captain’s Journey.

***

I pull my knees up to my chest and wrap my arms around them. To release some of the emotion, I gently rock back and forth. In rhythm to the rocking, I work through a complicated series of slipspace coordinates to further calm my tempestuous emotions. It takes me a several minutes to staunch the flow of tears and end the sobs that are quietly racking my body.

“What the fuck kind of question is that? I’ve just woken up screaming from something that is obviously traumatic and you want to do Therapy? Fuck you HAL!”

“I am sorry Jaxx. I could have phrased that better. You are physically recovered enough to deal with the rest of the memory. The emotional impact will still be somewhat difficult.”

“Wait…you are saying that I haven’t been physically capable of dealing with this memory? What do you mean by that and why do I remember some of what happened but not everything?”

“These are excellent questions! Evidence that you are ready to deal with the memory. Simply put, your body had underwent so much trauma during the event that the emotions stirred up by this memory would have stopped your heart. There were many options available. They ranged from wholesale excision of the offending memory to just allowing you to proceed as normal and allowing events to play out. It was decided that you deserved a better chance than either of those two options would allow. Instead, you have been kept here in me. I am Med-Bay Alpha whom you have decided to call HAL. I was curious as to the origin of the name but it was not core to your recovery so I did not review that engram.”

“Wait, wait. So you are saying that you are a machine but are a Talent as well? I don’t remember machines being able to replicate Talent at all. Have I been in stasis or something?”

“No. You have not been in stasis. You have been here with me for six months. It has been an arduous healing process to get your body back to some semblance of normality. When you pull back the screen that hides this memory you will understand what I am saying. I can not say more until you answer my initial query. The answer to your last question is yes. As I stated, I am Med-Bay Alpha and I am Talented. You are correct, terran machines are incapable of replicating Talent. I am a kossun design and much more advanced than any terran machine.”

I’ve been able to get my emotions under control while talking to HAL. It is nice to stop the mental gymnastics and sprawl across the bed as I take in that last bit of information. With a deep breath, I dive back into the conversation.

“Ok, You are saying that I’ve been here for six months. I will admit that my memory of this time is fairly sketchy. I remember going in and out of darkness for quite sometime. Those times that I can remember are pretty much just filled with pain and terror. The time before that is pretty much blank. I know that I’m a Captain and I had my own ship. It is fairly apparent from this nightmare that ‘had’ is the operative term in this statement. Now that I say this, it feels like I am missing another fairly important piece of information in regards to the ship. How am I doing so far HAL?”

“For all that you have been through, your recollections are accurate. Those periods that you say were filled with  pain and terror are when I had to force consciousness onto you to make sure that higher brain functions were intact. I regret that it was necessary to do this. with other humans it isn’t necessary to bring them back to consciousness to ensure proper neural functioning. As a Talent, this is something that I can usually monitor even in a deep coma. You, on the other hand, showed absolutely no activity while out. When awake all the metrics were off the chart. Your Talent was still over taxing your system and I had to keep you comatose for a longer period of time than anticipated. Your observation in regards to missing something in regards to your ship is tied to the memory that is suppressed. Tell me Jaxx, can you remember the name of your ship?”

“I called her the Void Skipper. I called her that because I really couldn’t put down roots as I was trying to keep one step ahead of ‘something’. If I stopped for to long, my tail wold catch up to me and everything would change.”

Just saying that out loud cause my stomach to lurch with emotion. I feel the muscles in my chest tightened and my breathing become labored. I see silver sparkles flash before my eyes as I am overcome by a great sense of vertigo as well. Intellectually, I know this is a some sort of panic attack but all my emotions will let me do is croak out “Help!” I feel a warm aura envelope me and fill my mind with soothing energy. My control is so low that it could easily take control and do whatever it wanted. Instead, it just slowly props up my internal defenses and guides my thoughts into a that same mantra I used after the nightmare. After I pick up the cadence and begin to slow my breathing, I feel the presence leave me.

“Are you OK now Jaxx? Your capabilities have improved as I mentioned earlier. The last time an attack of this magnitude occurred I had to sedate you.”

It takes a minute for me to gather my wits to form a response. “Yeah, I think so. Thank you for that. It has been a long time since I’ve need another to help reinforce my mental faculties. Whatever I’m not remembering has tore me up pretty bad. My answer to your initial question is yes. I need to know what did this to me.”

Welcome to the first installment of an on-going story entitled Captain’s Journey. I hope you enjoy reading the story as much as I enjoy writing it.

***

The emergency klaxons are screaming their warning all across the bridge. The amber and red lights indicating the ship has been damaged strobe relentlessly with the rhythm of the klaxons. The screams of Reyez from the station behind me and the constant crackling of electricity from the damaged panels on the bridge add another layer to the chaos that has erupted on my ship.

The ship strains at my control as I struggle to keep it from beginning to spin madly. I mentally flip open all the coms on the ship.

“What the fuck just happened? I have lost all data feeds up here and I’m flying blind! Reyez is is injured and and I need info. Report!”

It feels like an eternity as I wait to hear any response to my panicked command. I can sense the rest of the crew there in my head but it feels like some sort of veil has been cast over me keeping me from contacting them to ascertain their situations. Waiting to hear something I normally can find out at a moments notice is nerve-racking.

“This is Damber! Sensors are out! everything is just a big pile of slag in here. If  shields hadn’t been up life support would have been toast as well. Why do I have to tell you this over coms? Why can’t I hear anybody’s voice in my head anymore? Everyone’s gone black Jax! The door is locked and manual override isn’t working!” Damber’s voice is cracking as the com goes silent. She is quickly losing it. She has never worked with a normal crew so this sudden loss of mental rapport with the everyone is alien to her. The sound of her voice though has provided a point of contact for me and I’m able to push through the veil that is keeping me from contacting the crew directly a little. She is bruised and battered but physically OK for now. Her mental state is rapidly deteriorating but I can not reach her to stabilize her status.

The com crackles to life but the sound is broken and difficult to make out. “This is Farns! I’m stuck in engineering. The drive is still functioning but some of the power conduits have been fused so not everything is getting power. What ever hit us was targeting sensors and life supports. Damber’s right when she says the shields are the only thing that saved us from losing a whole lot more. The Tesla drive is reporting a field of some sort enveloping the ship. With the field in place, it’s impossible to drop into slipspace and escape.”

As before, the sound of Farns voice allows me reestablish some contact with him. There was no hint of it in his voice over the com but he is badly injured. The contact I have is to tenuous for me to be able to tell more than he is losing blood. “For fuck’s sake Farns, You’re injured!” The com crackles as he comes back on and now that I know he is hurt I can hear the quaver in his voice. ” I know captain. I took a piece of a control panel to the leg and it is bleeding something fierce.” It takes less than a second for me to access my mental manifest of the ship and determine where the med drones are in engineering. I muster all the energy I can spare and put into the words I start shouting. “Listen to me Farns! There is a red and green button a foot below the com panel. Hit the button and the med drone will get the bleeding stopped and get you stabilized until Shaela  can get to you to put things right. Do it right now!”

controlling the ship while trying to monitor Farns through the veil about the ship is taxing everything I have but I have to know that he has done what I ordered. My entire body is covered in sweat from the strain. What seems like hours pass as I am strung out between the madly struggling ship and the rapidly deteriorating life signs of Farns. When he stabilizes I let go of the contact with him and everything else comes back into focus.

The ship is flipping end over end and I can hear screaming coming across the com. I clamp down on the ship and feel a trickle of blood from nose going into my mouth from the exertion. With the ship righted I can finally focus on the screams and figure out that they are saying. “Captain, Captain…Jaxx! What the hell happened?” I quickly interrupt. ” Shaela, I need to you calm down. I don’t know what’s going on. Something is blocking mental connections so I can’t tell what is going on where you are at. You have to tell me or I won’t be able to help you.” I can here her taking big gulping breaths over the coms as she tries pulls herself together. “I’m in the hallway between engineering and the storage bay. Ambris is with me but he is trapped under a bulk head that fell during the start of all this. I’ve got him stable and am keeping him unconscious to make it easier to maintain his vitals.”

She breaks down into sobs as the ship is rocked by another blast. The pilot console flashes back to life as Farns comes back on the com. “I was able to route some power to the piloting so should be getting a feed now captain! I can’t reach anything else and I’m having trouble seeing now.” My guts clench with the news and I struggle to keep my voice calm. “You did great buddy. You just lay there and try to remember the meditation drill I taught you. It should help you to stay stable. Promise me you’ll do the drill right now!” I’ve got no energy to spare to make that into a command. I can feel the tears coming to mix with the blood that is already pouring down my face as I wait for an answer. His voice is weak but he manages, “I will Jaxx. ”

The ship is rocked by blast after blast. The open com becomes nothing but screaming and even I add my voice at the crescendo.

Then all is darkness…

****

The scream echoes off the soft white walls of my room. The lights come up slowly as my voice breaks and I am left with my head in my hands and the tears just flow.

The voice of the room is soft and mellifluous. “The nightmare is over Jaxx. All is well. You have recovered sufficiently enough that you can see the rest of that memory if you choose.”

“What would you like to do?”